I really didn’t feel like painting this week. Sometimes when I really don’t feel like painting and then I paint anyway, the painting turns out great and inspires me to do something else. Not so much this week.
I’ve been in a funk lately. I guess “lately” has been quite a while. I haven’t liked the art that I’ve been doing and yet I know that I need to keep doing something; I need to keep painting. I’m impatient to get somewhere with all of this, and yet I know that this blah stage is necessary; it’s taking me somewhere even if I can’t see it now. I still have that feeling that I’ve missed something–that in the midst of doing all my day-to-day things instead of painting, I’ve missed out on that eureka moment. Either that or I’m infuriatingly close to something and just can’t see it yet. I feel like I need to be in my studio everyday, but the chore of getting my daughter into bed seems to take longer and longer the more anxious I am to get her off to bed. I know that I need to work on just living in the moment and enjoy my time with her. I know this won’t last forever. But it took me four years to get back into the habit of making art and now it feels like I’m losing that. Like I said, I’m in a funk. Maybe I’m finally feeling how the demands of my husband owning his own store will impact my ability to do art. I’m not liking it. I know that sounds whiny and I guess that’s exactly what it is. It’s my blog after all.
I need to do more, paint more, immerse myself in my art. I also need more time. Don’t we all need more time. It’s just a funk. I’ll get out of it.
It’s not all doom and gloom. We’re having gorgeous summer weather and we’re enjoying every minute of it. Super hot days, going to the park, gardening, spontaneous road trips… Some days are too hot to do anything except get out the kiddie pool and sit on the deck with a beer. It’s all rather glorious. Exactly what summer should be.